We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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