Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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