OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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