At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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