if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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