i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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