Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We are two peas in an std pod
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
