This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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