I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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