is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
