I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
