I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
