I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
