he thought i was a dude.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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