This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
