so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
