She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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