My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
