I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize