you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
