I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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