Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
