$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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