I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
