I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
