dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
