You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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