new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the day after is always just damage control
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
