my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
