please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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