I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
