in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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