just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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