as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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