K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want nice things and good sex
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
