FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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