I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize