So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
