I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
the raccoons are back...
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