im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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