This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
