So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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