theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
