allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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