You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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