You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
