those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
