even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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