just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
