nutella sex= disaster
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
