Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize