I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
