my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
