If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
