I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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