Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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