Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
