I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
