i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My ass is underappreciated
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
