I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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