I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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