So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
